Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Things We Have Learned, Part Three

Once again, it's time for "This week's life lessons and new discoveries!" (Also known as, "Looking on the bright side so you don't cry!")

Marty discovered that if you have a two year old who is learning the difference between an "L" sound and a "R" sound, and is a teensy bit argumentative, saying, "Grant! Clap!" and clapping your hands excitedly, it is heeeee-larious when he responds, "No, Daddy! No Crap!"

If there is a two year old wandering the house saying, "No crap!" and Marty is rolling on the floor with tears running down his bright red face, laughing so hard he looks like he is about to hyperventilate, I probably need to intervene.

Grant learned that when you are consoling your littlest brother, if you try to squish his cheeks to force a smile, it only makes him madder.

I learned never to turn my back on the sweet boy who seems to be quietly singing to the baby.

Grant learned that if Ben is chasing you down and trying to take your Lightning McQueen toy, if you simply hit Ben over the head with the toy a couple of times, he will stop chasing you.

About two seconds later, Grant realized what a very angry Mommy looks like.

Ben discovered that if your head splits open and you are bleeding from a Lightning McQueen-shaped injury, you get extra special cuddles and you get to play with the Lightning McQueen toy for the rest of the night.

I learned that the pain relieving spray that they give you in the hospital after having a baby works really well on a two-year-old's head.

"No crap, Daddy!"

Marty learned that it is possible to suffer a nipple contusion while playing softball. Seriously. I am not making this up.

The thought of a nipple contusion is a lot funnier to me than to my husband, who does not seem to appreciate the pointing-and-laughing type of sympathy.

"No crap, Daddy! Hey, no crap!"

I have discovered that my daughter thinks she knows everything. Well, I discovered that a long time ago, but her latest is being a backseat driver. "Mommy, stop! The light is red!" "Yes, Emma, but it is a quarter mile away. I will stop when I get there." "Mommy, you went in front of that car, and you didn't stop and wait your turn." "Yes, Emma, that car had a stop sign, and I didn't. It was my turn." And the latest, as we are pulling out of our driveway onto our road, which traffic usually travels about 55-60 mph: "Mommy, don't go fast! You are going to get a ticket like Daddy!" I decided she needed a lesson in respect. "Emma, do you have a driver's license?" Little, small voice: "No." "Have you ever been to driving school?" "No." "How many years experience do you have driving?" Sudden teenager-ish attitude: "Mom, I have driven down the driveway before." (Insert four year old eye roll here.)

The lessons in this story?

1. Marty learned that if he laughs uncontrollably, he will get his ear flicked. Hard.
2. I learned (again) that I am in sooooooo much trouble when she is a teenager.
2. Emma learned that sometimes, a smart retort will end the conversation, even though she does not know why her parents were covering their mouths and shaking in silence.

5 comments:

Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Oh my! You are just having WAY too much fun!
Seriously... a nipple contusion. Yeah, I'm laughing at your husband too! Hope he's not even more upset now!

Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Oh my! You are just having WAY too much fun!
Seriously... a nipple contusion. Yeah, I'm laughing at your husband too! Hope he's not even more upset now!

Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy said...

I only left that comment one time! My computer seems to have a mind of it's own...

Curlyqfun said...

Those are great!!!! Too funny.

Stephanie said...

LOL.

Summer says "cwap." So not as fun.