Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Listen to Mother

My grandpa set his house on fire as a kid.

To be honest, I don't know if it was my grandpa or his brother that did it. My grandpa has been gone for close to twenty years now, and I have heard the story both ways. The story is the same, but the guilty party might be Bob instead of Ken. But for the sake of the tale, we'll say it was my Grandpa.

Grandpa and Uncle Bob were boys. And no, I don't mean that is the stating the obvious sense, but more that they were boys who acted like boys. They got into a lot of trouble, and had a lot of fun. One day, Grandpa was told to go get some firewood and start a fire. Being the type who liked to exasperate his mother, got the firewood and then asked, "Where should I light the fire?" His mother, having five kids in a short period of time including twins (yes, that's where I got it, thanks, Great-Grandma!) answered sarcastically, "Where do you think you should light it? In the middle of the kitchen!"

Once again, sarcasm was lost on him. Or, he was just such a stubborn little boy that he decided that this would be the one time he listened attentively to his mother, because light a fire in the middle of the kitchen floor is exactly what he did.

As far as I know, he didn't burn the house down, but there was quite a bit of damage to the kitchen, and the floor needed to be replaced.

And my mother is saying she sees a lot of Grandpa in Drew. Between my Grandpa's genes and my Dad's, I think I'm in real trouble.

So when someone calls and asks how the kids are doing, and I answer, "Well, they haven't set the house on fire!", it's not just a joke or an exaggeration. I'm actually pretty pleased with that one.

I think I'll stick to using the furnace.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Word of the Day is: Sarcasm

Oh my goodness! In perusing my drafts folder, I came across this little tidbit that I had no idea I had never published. This was from back in August. Enjoy!!

Last night was bath night. Usually Drew and Emma take a bath together, and then Grant and Ben go after. I don't know why this is, but it works. And Drew is much more likely to survive bath time by not being with his rambunctious brothers.

Last night, we mixed it up for whatever reason, and I started with Drew and Ben. Ben really wanted a bath with Drew, and they had a good time. When Drew was done, Grant hopped in and he and Ben were done at the same time.

I went out and talked to Emma who was happily petting her cat. "Babe, it's your bath time," I said.

"Mom, I'm really having fun spending time with Teddy, can I just do this a little longer?"

"Sure, babe, but all the boys are done and it's your turn, so you need to hurry."

"What? I don't get my bath with Drew?!?" Horrified, she suddenly realized she would be bathing alone.

"Don't worry, sweetie," I joked with her, "you can take a bath with Teddy if you want."

Note to self: Never joke with a six year old when it comes to bathing with a cat.

Our friend Kelina was over, and we were chatting and dressing little boys, and generally not paying too close attention to Emma. Suddenly, I heard Marty say, "She did know we were joking when we said she could take a bath with her cat, right?!?"

I looked up. Emma was gone. The cat was gone.

Suddenly we heard, coming from the bathroom-




The bloodcurdling scream strongly suggested that perhaps, she had missed the sarcasm in our voice when we told her that bathing with her cat was a good idea.

We ran to the bathroom and opened the door to see a streak of soaking-wet, bubble covered fur, racing out of the bathroom and straight to the front door, making his petrified escape out of our crazy world. Emma was standing in a corner, hiding behind a towel, sobbing, bleeding, and covered in wet cat fur.

We tried to comfort her, but were unsuccessful for a while as we were so overcome with laughter that we could not speak.

She survived, and the cat did come back home late that night, smelling sweetly of princess bubble bath.

My bad.