Wednesday, October 1, 2008

If urine is sterile, I have the cleanest bathroom ever!

This has been one of those mornings. I am about to lose it completely. I know that they don't give new parents a handbook when the kids are born, but I swear they give the kids a handbook titled, "How to drive your folks to the insane asylum so that you have full run of the house and can eat candy all day."

It has been a morning filled with stolen toys, yelling, hitting, biting, and downright not listening. The boys are sick and teething, the combination of the two usually turns them from generally-well-behaved-toddlers to little-demons-in-training in about two seconds flat. I knew that this was not a day I would be able to sit them in front of the TV and sneak away for a ninety second shower, or the house might be on fire when I returned. I decided to kill a couple of birds at the same time and bring all the kids into the shower with me. I actually do this quite often, they love the distraction, they love playing in water, and I can skip bath time later. It is a little crowded with four people in the shower, but it works.

We have started the lovely journey of potty training the twins. They seem interested, so we are giving it a go. I started off by putting Grant on the potty, he just likes to sit there for a while, but has yet to go potty in the toilet. His diaper had some pee in it, so I wasn't expecting much. After a few minutes, he got up, and Ben had a go. They were giggling and having a great time, I was thinking that maybe this would be just what I needed to turn the day around. I was wrong.

Ben was on the potty when I heard the greatest sound to a potty-training parent's ears, the sound of the tinkle! Yay, success! The spell was broken, however, when Emma exclaimed, "Mom, Grant's peeing on the scale!" Crapola. All over the bathroom scale, the floor, and the rug. So, I did what any responsible, organized, clean-minded parent would do, I threw a towel over it and left it there to clean up later. Meanwhile, Ben had gotten himself off the potty, and had flipped the potty upside down on the floor. I silently thanked God that there was no actual potty in the toilet at the time, and when I turned to fix the potty chair, Grant grabbed the toilet scrubber and tried cleaning the real toilet with it. I turned to take the scrub brush from him, and after wrestling it from his little hands, turned back to see that I had left the potty chair right in front of the bathroom sink. Ben was standing on it like a stool, brushing his teeth with my toothbrush, and, drumroll, please! He was peeing all over the front of the cabinets. Not just the cabinets, but that little gap in between where the door meets the front, thereby soaking all the stuff inside the cabinets. The entire time, Emma is yelling, in that lovely, four-year-old whine, "Moooooommmmmm, I can't find my ducky! Hey, they are peeing again! Why aren't they peeing in the potty?" After taking my toothbrush from Ben, and deciding never to use it again, the boys had decided to wrestle for the one ducky that is just like two other duckys within reach, I am seeing how much of my shoebox filled with bathroom stuff in sprayed with pee under the sink, and silently wondering what on earth I am going to do with another child.

The shower was not as bad as the pre-shower, except when Ben decided to throw my shampoo bottle on the top of my foot, and while we were getting out, Ben peed on the floor again. How is it possible for two little boys to pee so much? I had a lot to do today, but now I have added giving the bathroom a complete scrub-down to the list. I cannot do it while the kids are awake, however, for fear of the destruction that will happen while my back is turned. I am seriously considering my brother's suggestion to play cops and robbers with them, so I have an excuse to tie them to a chair. Just kidding. Sort of.


Love my babes said...

Tiff your life sounds so calm. Not! Potty training is such a joy but w/2 boys you need a gold crown. You made me laugh and I needed that. Very good use of multi-tasking by all taking a shower together. Did you say the next bundle of joy is a boy too? YOu will have so much amunition for when they are teenagers and being pills. You can just say "Do you remember when you peed all over ---------?"
Cute blog.
Amy Shuster

Anonymous said...

Tiffani you are not only an awsome Mom but a creative author as well-I'm willing to bet if you publish your stories,from your home computer,you will become the next ERMMA BOMBECK- I love reading your stories,but don't forget I'm right next door if you need anything I'll be right over!<3 Incase you forgot where you put my info,last place I saw it was on the fridge.:)