Thursday, October 2, 2008

Moments of Joy in the Midst of the Chaos

I'll be the first to admit it, yesterday was a rough day. After all was said and done, I didn't get most of my to-do list done, and by the time the kiddos went to bed, I was completely exhausted and not willing to do anything. I went to bed last night feeling like there was nothing better than to crawl in between my fleece sheets and drift off to slumber-land. But, it was not to be. Like I said yesterday, the boys are sick and teething, and Grant had a rough night last night. I had not even turned out the light in our room when he started crying, that sad, pained, sick cry that mothers cannot ignore. I got up to console him and rocked him in the rocking chair while he cried, "owie" and pulled at his ear. Long story short, he came to bed with me after about 45 minutes, and tossed and turned till about 4 am. Ben woke crying at 4:30, Emma had a bad dream sometime in the night, I have no idea when, and both Marty and I heard strange noises at some point as well. I slept from 5 am to 8:30 am, but I am really not tired this morning. Last night was sweet in a lot of ways, I was able to look into the face of my little boy and remember that Emma used to snuggle like that, but has outgrown it. It was nice to have a night of Grant mostly to myself, knowing that I was all that he wanted and that I could make it all better. These days are long, but the time is short, and before I know it, they will be more into their friends than their parents, and the nights of snuggling in bed will be just a distant memory.

Karen Kingsbury has a children's book titled "Let Me Hold You Longer," that I absolutely love. The book starts off like this;

"Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away,
and leave me to your past,
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts...

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips.
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.
The last night that you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you'd marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if
I'd known they were your last?"

The book goes on, and I have to admit I cannot read it to my kids, because I cry every time. This brings a lot of perspective in nights like last night, knowing that sometime in the not-too-distant future, I will be longing for the days of snuggles in bed and kids who think that I am the coolest person in the world. So, I will not complain (much) about rough nights, no sleep, and long days. I will be grateful for the time I have now with my kids, knowing that time is fleeting and I will be able to sleep again in 20 years or so. I will appreciate every moment I have to snuggle my kids, even if those moments come at 3 am, and I will do my best to see the joy in the midst of all the pee and laundry. And, along the way, I will record these moments in this blog so that someday, when they have grown and gone, I can remember fondly the days that seemed to go on forever and the nights of no sleep. Thanks for joining me on the journey!


Kristl said...

Tiff, regardless of how tough it is, please please please know that you are truly a monumental inspiration to those of us who hope to someday have what you have. You are so amazing, and God truly gives you strength to carry on in the midst of hectic times. I SO admire you and your family. You guys are such troopers!


Wendy Whitlow said...

I love your blog Tiff...and I think you are a great writer...always have thought that.

Thanks for sharing the book too...I was tearing up thinking about Tyler.

Oh and you should know...that even in 20 still don't sleep...Okay maybe more than now...but you'll then be up with worry.

Love ya,

Snow Mommy said...

Good for you, enjoy this time before they get old and talk back...oh wait, Emma does. Well, enjoy the snuggles.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tiffani! Hang in there ,I know it is tough even after they grow up and move away from home,you'll always be Mom .I learned ear pulling CAN be a sign of ear infection-or pain caused by air pressure in weather change,or flying.If kids see "BOOGIEMAN" please don't say it is their imagination-like I did,Kids and elderly are really sensitive .I think you are an awsome Mom doing your best and are blessed to have the relationship you and yours share with the Lord.