Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Final score: Kids-3, Me-1

There is a lot written about a mother's intuition. And it is true, a mother's intuition is undeniable. The ability to know what is wrong with your crying child without obvious clues is very handy. The 'spidey sense' of knowing the difference between 'good-quiet' and 'crapola-I-better-check-on-them-right-now-lest-they-encounter-potential-danger-or-future-beatings-by-me' is unexplainable by science. But what about children's intuition? I feel that some days a child's intuition is much stronger than a mother's. Yesterday went a long way towards proving that theory.

My mother's intuition has kicked in lately to the fact that Drew has a hard time falling asleep in his cradle. In fact, as soon as I lay him down, he spits up repeatedly and cries. The twins had acid reflux, so I knew what to do. Night before last, I gave him some colic tablets and put him to sleep in his swing, propped up a little. Score one point for mother's intuition, he slept for eight hours straight. However, the kids' intuition must have sensed our peaceful slumber, since the twins woke up crying about five times that night, and everyone knows that the purpose of kids' intuition is to make parent's lives more difficult. Crapola. Score 2 points for children's intuition. They are winning.

In the morning, I did my usual morning routine, giving the kids cereal in my room and put on a show while I put Drew in his bouncy seat and brought him into the bathroom with me to take a shower. I got out of the shower to hear laughter coming from my bedroom, so I figured all was fine. Mother's intuition failed, minus one point. I came out o the bathroom to find that they had somehow unearthed our umbrellas from Marty's closet and Grant had the point of one in Ben's face, yelling "HiyYah!" and making stabbing motions towards his eyes. Current score, kids-2, me-0.

I managed to save Ben and hid the umbrellas high in the closet, and quickly got dressed so as not to leave them alone any longer. I started to change Drew, his changing table is just a pad on the dresser that I am sharing with him. As I was changing Drew, his intuition kicked in to the fact that yes, this was a dresser, and if he aimed just right he was able to pee a nice arch which ricocheted off my arm and ran all down the front of the dresser, across the top of the drawers. One more point for the kids. I did my best to clean up my arm and the dresser before the pee made it into the drawers and made my clothing smell like really bad eau de toilet, but in the process Drew smeared his poopy diaper all up his back and along the backs of his arms. He really needed a bath. I turned to see what the kids were up to and found them sitting quietly, watching TV. However, my mother's intuition kicked in and I had a sudden flashback to the umbrella-wielding ninja children from earlier, I knew I could not bathe Drew and expect the other kids to keep calm and out of trouble. My only choice was to wipe him up the best I could, and promise him a bath later. Score one for me for avoiding whatever potential catastrophe would have occurred.

Yesterday was one of those days that I envy working moms. They get to dress up all pretty in clothes that don't smell like spit-up and pee, and drop their kids off somewhere where they will be taken care of, but be able to mess up someone else's house. Working moms then get stimulating adult conversations with people over three feet tall, who do not spend the day hitting each other over the head with trains. They get to return home to a house that has not been trashed in eight or so hours, with children who have missed them and want nothing more than to cuddle by the fireplace and tell their parents they love them. (Cue sappy music.)

OK, I do know that the life of a working mom is not all sunshine and roses, and working moms envy stay at home moms, since the grass is always greener on the other side of the sippy cup. (The reason the grass is greener here is because it's not really grass, but the broccoli stain on the rug that I have not had time to clean up.) I will do my best today to appreciate the fact that I can stay in my jammies all day if I choose, and that I have full control over the influences in my kids lives. Someday I will get to go to Costco by myself and have an interesting conversation with someone in line. As long as I haven't been kicked out of Costco by then...


Anonymous said...

I liked your comment on working moms dropping off their children to day care centers to be "cared" for - whatever are you THINKING - they're only treated like cattle and dogs in a kennel there - they aren't CARED for ... true though they keep all umbrellas from them ;-) :)
But to be a stay at home mom - and CARE for your children is a GREAT job and a wonderful pay off when you kids are normal and loving and walk out the door at 18 or older and they LOVE you and your hubby and they don't cause any violence in society. ;)
This is the PAYOFF of the caring stay at home mom. :) You are IT - surely your intuition and the Lord agree with me on this one point? :)
Love your writing.
And wiping down a poopy baby instead of giving him a full bath is what we used to do in the olde days. Perfectly acceptable.
I NEVER gave my kids a daily/nightly bath - too much work. It was once every 2 or 3 days - just like me. :)
God bless you and keep up the good work. Hi-YA!

Snow Mommy said...

It may be all snotty noses and spit up now, but you can never get those years back. Someday we will get to have our shopping trips back....please don't get kicked out of Costco, you still need to get Emma's Easter dress!

The Campbell Family said...

I'm a little offended by Bevy's comment, I worked at daycare for years and I loved each and everyone of those children that came through the door. Those kids' had no choice but to be at that center while they're parents were away, the least we could do was love and nourish their little bodies, minds & souls in their parents abscence.

Maybe you should invest in vinyl pj's and just wipe clean on days you're stuck in them?! I bet Marty would find you irrisitable in them too!!!

Megan said...

Oh do I hear you! I work 10 hours a week at a coffee stand and consider it my VACATION from the kids. I get a little adult interaction, free coffee and come home with a little money. It saves my sanity. :)

Love my babes said...

Just think you could be the next Erma Bombeck w/all the material your kids are providing for you;o)
Hope you have a wonderful day!