I have left the house twice since we brought baby Drew home. Once for Grant's doctor appointment, and once for Drew's. I know the life of a stay-at-home mom does not involve everyday adult interaction, but this was getting a little ridiculous. We have been purposefully avoiding the outside world to keep the kids healthy, the last thing Drew needs right now is a cold or the flu. However, for my sanity, I needed a little adventure. And what is more adventurous than Costco on a Sunday?
We decided to try and get out the door by ten. Since this is a small town, we always run into at least three people we know anywhere we go. So, add the extra time it would take to chat and we would finish Costco around lunchtime, and we could do the fabulous Costco lunch of $1.50 hot dogs and a drink, and head home by naptime. Great plan, right? We forgot one thing. We have FOUR CHILDREN and there was no way possible to get out the door by ten, since our kids have the magical ability to know when we are trying to accomplish something, and somehow communicate telepathically to try and slow us down. By whatever means necessary.
We had gotten off to a good start. Before showering, we put the boys on the potty, and Ben peed! Hooray! Most of it went in the potty, only a little went on the rug. The rugs needed to be washed anyway, so no biggie. (Wow, it is interesting what becomes "no big deal" after twins. Hey, what's a little pee, as long as it isn't on my foot?) The kids showered with me, and I had just gotten out when Marty informed me that Drew needed a new diaper, pronto. When this boy goes, you have to change it quick or it will be up his back in no time. He was on a pooping streak this morning, I changed him five times before we left. Since he was circumcised, we have to coat the front of the diaper in vaseline, and Marty does not like doing that, so all Drew's diapers are changed by me right now. (He is taking over all the twin's diapers, so don't judge him. It's all fair.) Anywhoo, I wrapped myself in a towel and proceeded to change the boy. Marty took over in the bathroom drying and diapering kids, and I had the immense joy of listening in on a one-sided conversation. This is what I heard.
Marty: "Good job going on the potty earlier, Ben. You are learning fast. What the...? No, Ben, you go poop on the potty, not while you are just standing there! OK, sit on the potty. Now, you go poop, OK? (pause) Good job, Buddy! You went poop on the potty! OK, now, we need to wipe with toilet paper, like this, see? And we put it in the potty. No, Ben, don't grab it out! Ben, no! Leave that! NO! Oh, that's disgusting! Honey, I need you right now!"
By this time, I was laughing hysterically, only imagining what was going on in there. I had finished changing Drew's diaper, but he was not fully dressed. I quickly took him off the changing table and put him in his cradle, with one leg in his clothes and the rest hanging off, and ran into the bathroom, losing my towel in the process. I found Marty holding Ben's arms out, just standing there. Ben had poop all over his hands, as well as on his chest. Apparently, he wanted to see the poop, so he lifted the toilet paper out out the potty. Then, with the other hand, he picked up the poop. Marty made him drop it, and he wiped his poopy hand across his chest. Welcome to my world, honey!
We got Ben cleaned up and did the poopy on the potty song and dance. Then Emma remembered that she had peed earlier, and wanted the song and dance as well. I was still dripping wet and Drew was just hanging out half dressed, wondering what in the world was going on. Surprisingly, we did not leave the house until 11:30. Shocker.