In the van, as we are driving past a lake.
Grant: "Maybe there's sharks in there."
Ben: "You see sharks?"
Grant: "No, I no see sharks."
Ben: points at a bunch of ducks "What are dose?"
Grant: "Oh, dose are just pwengwins."
Me: "No, Ben you are not on fire. You are perfectly capable of cleaning up your toys."
Me: "Drew, please stop banging your head on the wood stove. It's loud, and that can't feel good."
Emma: "Mommy, I just want my hair blonde today. I've never had it like that for a long time."
(She meant she wanted it down, with no ponytails or ribbons.)
Me: "Please stop yelling and use your words. Oh, sorry, honey, I forgot who I was talking to."
Me: "Grant, you may not put a ribbon around the baby's neck and pull him around. He is not a puppy."
Me: "You boys are supposed to be napping. Hey, get out of the diaper pail! Wait, are you guys wearing swim trunks?!? Where on earth did you find them, and where are your pants?!?"