Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This was created by MckMama, head on over to her blog to see what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week!
I did NOT decide to take all four kids shopping alone on Friday. I am a reasonable sane person (cough, choke, giggle) and I am perfectly capable of waiting till Saturday when my hubby can join us.
It was payday, but we were NOT so low on groceries that dinner that night threatened to be Easter eggs, coconut milk, and ketchup. I mean, really, we do NOT blow through our minuscule grocery budget so fast that on the day we get paid, I am waiting at my hubby's office for the check.
Since I was in town, I decided to go to Trader Joe's. I love Trader Joe's. I needed some good snacky food for the kids, and wanted to see what I could find there.
We went in, and I grabbed one of their carts, strapped Drew in the top, and off we went.
Can I just say? My kids were freaking awesome.
I did NOT tell them to hold hands together and walk beside me, and they did NOT listen. I did NOT have cute little old ladies smiling at me, their little nods and smiles of approval telling me that I was doing something right with my four children, ages five and under. When we came to an aisle that had a lot of people, I told them to let go of each other and get in a line behind me. They did NOT listen so fast that a man said, "Wow, great job, kids!"
Seriously. I did NOT get a big "my kids are freaking awesome" head.
So there is NO WAY that we ended up creating such a ruckus that I ended up leaving with three screaming children about five minutes later, completely humiliated, fighting off tears and having not completed my shopping, right?
Of course NOT.
Let's back up to the part where they lined up right behind me. We were in the aisle I wanted, and I was looking for a bar of laundry soap. I parked the cart and told my sweet, well-behaved children to stay right there and not to touch anything. Still on a high from their complete and total fabulousness, I turned my back and stepped one step away.
That was NOT a big, huge, mammoth mistake.
I was NOT studying the laundry section when I heard a scream of panic, and turned just in time to see that my cart had toppled sideways, and I caught the last instant of the cart falling, landing on top of Grant and Drew's head hitting the floor, from his strapped in-position. I ran the one step to get there, and unhooked Drew before lifting the cart off my three-year-old. I sat right there in the aisle, holding these two screaming boys, as my heart was racing and I was trying not to cry. I sat in a daze for a moment, checking them out to see of they were OK and repeating "It's OK, it's OK," over and over and over.
I was NOT partially trying to convince myself of that fact.
Now, that's the worst thing ever, right? There's NO WAY it could possible get any worse than the moment after your child topples a shopping cart, crashing it to the ground with your baby inside, right?
As I am sitting there dazed, with a still screaming baby and complete shock-induced tunnel-vision, I see two pairs of shoes walk right up to me. Before I have a chance to look up to see what is happening, I hear a man shout, "What is going on here?" I look up just in time to see the straw that broke the camel's back.
And by that, I do NOT mean that while I was consoling Grant and Drew, Ben decided to give shopping cart Olympics a try himself and pulled the cart over on top of himself, and although it all seemed to happen in Hollywood-style slow motion, I could not get there in time, due to the two children in my lap.
Good thing the store manager had walked up and stuck his foot right under Ben's head just before it hit the ground.
Really, I did NOT have two separate shopping cart-pulled-over-on-top-of-a-toddler incidents within a minute of each other.
I was NOT sitting there, now with three screaming boys and an little girl who was trying to find the positive, "Well, at least our stuff didn't fall out of the cart!" and two managers staring at me with looks of complete pity and fear. I did NOT decide right then and there that we would just go home. I only had one thing in the cart, which was on that aisle, so I put it back and turned to go. That's when I realized that we were NOT in the one aisle of Trader Joe's that is in full view of Every. Single. Checkstand.
The manager offered the kids balloons. We accepted. I did NOT get the feeling that they were afraid of being sued. I did NOT want to tell them not to worry, I fully understood the fact that it was the kids fault and my fault, not theirs, but I didn't want to be an idiot babbling about suing people.
Baby Drew did NOT keep crying until we had him bucked into his car seat, with his binky and his puppy.
I did NOT cry on the way home.
We did NOT end up going grocery shopping after Marty got off work, and have Costco hot dogs for dinner.
I am NOT going to avoid Trader Joe's for a while, unless I can get little Groucho Marx glasses and moustaches for my children so we are not recognized.
(Don't worry, none of the kids were hurt, just shook up a bit.)
What did you NOT do this week?