Today, my darling little baby girl goes to school.
She's not a baby anymore. I cannot hold on to her any longer, thinking she is going to stay little forever. But a part of me wants to.
Last night I was watching her in the tub, and she is as long as the tub is. Where did the time go? When did she grow from the sweet little wee one who fell asleep in my arms to this tall, beautiful big kid? I don't know. The last five years has flown by. And at the same time, I can hardly remember life without her in it.
I asked her this morning if she was really ready. "Are you sure?" I asked her, "you can stay here for another year and be little for a while longer!"
"I'm ready, mom! I'm really ready." She stood with confidence, in her Dora jammies and slept-in hair. "But, Emma," I pleaded, "You can stay here and be my little girl forever. Can't I just keep you little?" I reached out to hold her, bring her in close to try and hold on to the moment, one of the last moments of her non-school-attending childhood. "Mooommmyy," (complete with eye roll and big sigh,) "I want to go to school, and I'm not little anymore. I can go to school and be your big girl forever!"
I guess I will have to be happy with that.
Today is bittersweet. I know that she is ready. I know that she is excited, and I know that this will be so very good for her.
But I'm not ready to let go of my sweet baby. Even though my sweet baby is already gone, and has been for a while now. Instead, I have a confident, kind, enthusiastic and oh-so-smart big girl.
A big girl who is going to school today.