Monday, October 10, 2011

Not Me! Monday!

Ahhh, Monday, how I love you and your bloggy fun.  :)

Last week, my darling husband and I had a date.  An actual, real date with actual, real friends that included wine and lots and lots of laughter.  It was awesome.


Leading up to this awesome time, we did NOT do the ever-so-brilliant thingy where I think he is finding a sitter and he thinks I am finding a sitter, so we wait till the last minute and then everyone is busy.

Nope, NOT us!

So the morning of the event, I asked our neighbor, whose daughter plays with Emma regularly and whom I trust.  She was available.  Perfect.

The kids, however, are used to being watched by family, so the idea of someone else coming to babysit was a little different.  They were thrilled, believe me, but the whole concept of being "babysat" was a new thing.

And apparently, they forgot what was going on.

We went to Safeway to get some groceries, and as we were standing in line the lady asked me the ever-so common question.  "Are they all yours?"  Well, actually, I had an extra that day, so for the first time ever I had to say no.  That felt weird.  Seeing that we were having a conversation, Grant decided to take part and interject what was on his mind.

Don't worry, he did NOT get confused to what was happening that evening, so he did NOT say to her, "Hey guess what?  We're getting kidnapped today!"

Nope, NOT my kid!

I corrected him, embarrassed, and let him know that getting kidnapped and getting babysat were two different things entirely.  Then I silently prayed that the line would move quickly and we could get outta there before she had a chance to memorize my face and call the authorities.  Being the normal, sane mother that I am, I did NOT have images of the kids actually getting kidnapped and then having the lady from Safeway report that this was balloon-boy-type incident and the kids would never be found.

NOPE, I am NOT that deranged.

Then I noticed that we hadn't moved forward in line.  At all.  And no one was beeping anything at any of the registers. 

NOPE, I was NOT in line with a woman who my kid had just told that he was getting kidnapped right at the very moment that apparently a meteor hit the satellite that controls the registers, shutting the entire store down for about twenty minutes.


"Mom?"  Grant did NOT ask, "what time is the neighbor coming to kidnap us today?"

"Grant, she is coming to babysit you, not kidnap you.  Babysitting is when someone comes to your house to watch you and that someone is not your mommy or daddy."


NOPE.  I did NOT stand there in line with a two year old, a three year old, and two four year olds who were excited to get kidnapped, for twenty minutes while trying to avoid eye contact with the lady next to me.


My darling two year old IS normal.  Just your basic ordinary kid.

Sorry, even in a "not me" I couldn't get through that one without laughing.

Anywhoo, over the weekend he decided to dress himself in his finest.  His Seahawks jersey, his puppy dog boxer briefs, and his red rubber boots composed his outfit of choice. 

 Two year old ladies, get in line.

As I was working in the kitchen, he came into the room with his boots making a lovely schoomp-sploosh sound with every step.

"What's up with your boots, buddy?"  I asked innocently.

"I's just water, Mommy," came the adorable reply.  I checked him.  His undies were dry.  We were safe.

I took him into the bathroom and set him in the tub to take off the boots.  I stepped into a huge puddle on the way, and noticed a great deal of liquid on the floor.  "What is all this, Drew?"  "Oh, i's just water."  I looked around.  There was a lot of it, and right next to the toilet.  Starting to wonder what kind of water I was standing in, I asked, "Buddy, where did it all come from?"

He did NOT answer in the most matter-of-fact way, "Fwom my pee-nis."

NOPE.  My kid did NOT get within three inches of the toilet, then turn around, lower his undies and pee all over the floor and in both of his rubber boots, filling them up at least a half-inch each.

Certainly NOT my kid!!


Head on over to MckMama's blog to see what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week!


Bliss said...

ROFLOL oh that image really did make me laugh.

trooppetrie said...

we recieved 2 new blessings four months ago. the first time we went to the store he told the cashier his name was james (it was not) and then he did not know who i was. I thought they should have called the police to say i was kidnapping