Ben: (screaming) "Owwwww! Mommy, he hurted me!"
Me: "What happened?"
Ben: "We was sword-fighting and he gotted me in my hand!"
Me: "Well, sweetie, that is a risk you take when you sword fight with rulers. That's why we are not allowed to do that. Please put the rulers on the table, they are for drawing with, not sword-fighting with."
Ben: "No, Mommy! We's playing! Maybe we can sword fight, but get each other in the faces."
Me: "Oh, no, honey! Hitting each other in the face would really hurt, a lot worse than getting hit in the hand."
Ben: "Not for me! Gwant, get me in the face wif the ruler!"
Just add Crisis Interference to my resume. You know, assuming I will ever be sane enough to hold down an actual, real, paying job. Oh, who am I kidding, never mind.