Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Wrath Of Drew

Once again, this is a post started a couple weeks ago, and never published. I finally found twelve seconds where Drew was strapped in somewhere, and enamored with something so that he isn't trying to unbuckle himself and fling headfirst across the kitchen floor, and could finish it. Enjoy!

Drew is at it again.

My sister-in-law, Holly said to me a while ago, "You know, I used to think that God gave you twins as paybacks since Emma was such an easy baby. Now I know God gave you twins to prepare you for Drew."

I'd have to agree.

(And no, we don't actually believe that God EVER does things to "get back at people". It's just kinda funny.)

Yesterday Drew showed his abilities to push the chair across the dining room, use it as a stepladder to get up on the arts and crafts cabinet, and then use something he found to knock the cup of kid-safe scissors down on top of himself, although he managed to catch a few pair on their way down and play with them.

No, I didn't hear it. Yes, I do have to pee on occasion.

He also got into my sewing stuff and tried to use a straight pin as a q-tip. I caught him just a half-inch before he would have pierced his eardrum. I also found him playing with a barbecue lighter, and he also pushed the chair up to the stove, where he snitched freshly-baked cookies off the pan.

We have been using high places as a way to keep him out of stuff, since he has known for months how to open the child-proof locks. Now, with no place to put anything that can be used for terror and bodily injury by Mr. My-Abilities-Clearly-Surpass-My-Age, we are definitely up a creek made of feces without a propelling device.

This morning, I decided to ease my dinnertime burden and put dinner in the crock pot. There are two beef roasts, about five pounds of potatoes, and a few carrots, onion, and garlic cloves simmering away, making my house smell lovely right now. It was a good decision, but not without sacrifice.

For while I was busy chopping and searing, Drew was getting into the scissors again (apparently, Emma didn't listen when I told her to put them away after she did her homework last night) and put three slices in his favorite John Deere shirt that he has been wearing for two days because he refuses to take it off.

Fan-tabulous.

My friend Erin came over to help wrangle the kids so that I could get more stuff done, and even with both of us in the room, watching closely, Drew managed to sneak over to the iron, climb up on a chair and burn himself, all in about three tenths of a second. Luckily the iron had been unplugged, but it hadn't cooled down enough yet and he managed to get a good blister on his hand. However, he didn't cry, just said "HOT!" and got down. I didn't notice the blister till later, I had assumed that since he didn't cry, he didn't get burned. Silly me, forgetting about the fact that he's not really human.

I am working on a new keep-Drew-out-of-stuff plan. Either I need to get one of those government-issued hand print readers that will only allow cabinets to be opened by me and Marty, or I need to constantly order take-out and get myself a catheter bag, so that I have the ability to do nothing but follow him around and watch him ever-so-closely every second of every day.

Or, I need a bigger house. I try not to live in the world of "if only", but seriously, I really think an office with a door that could lock would solve all my current problems.

Now accepting donations of cash, check, and winning lotto tickets.

3 comments:

Snow Mommy said...

Gotta love him!

Anonymous said...

Have you tried Tot-Locks? They worked well at our house...just a thought. Kristen

Jenn @Cuddlesandcameras said...

TOTALLY feel your pain! My little one is in to
E V E R Y T H I N G lately. It's exhausting :/